Dealing with hurts - Matt 18:15-20

Dealing with hurts

August 4, 2013

Matt 18:15-20

INTRODUCTION

• A person can be hurt so easily
• All it takes sometimes, is a sideways glance
• Sometimes we hurt people totally unintentionally, with the best will in the world.
• There was someone I knew, who had a cat
• This cat ran out into the road, was hit by a car, and he found it lying dead in the gutter.
• The cat was a mess
• So he took a spade, wrapped it in a sack, dug a hole in the back yard, and buried it.
• He did not want his sister to see it as it now looked.
• He was barely out of high school when this happened
• Later I heard that my sister had had a huge problem with this, wondering what had happened to our cat
• I am so sorry I dealt with it as I did, but it was totally unintentional, with the best will in the world.
• Sometimes hurts come as a result of anger, or other impure motives
• Sometimes nothing actually happened, but it is all a misunderstanding
• How do we deal with these issues?
• Today I want to go through an overview of some biblical principles regarding how we deal with these different kinds of upsets in relationships

WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US

• When someone hurts us, we have an initial reaction
• That reaction can vary, depending on how closely we are listening to God
• We can respond in anger, irritation or resentment. We can just bury it, it's just one more thing we have buried. Or we can respond with a forgiving, merciful attitude
• What are the results:
• If we respond in anger, the situation will only get worse, and the rift in the relationship becomes deeper. Wounds are reopened, and the anger develops into a resentment to the other person, and eventually becomes bitterness.
• That bitterness infects our life, in all kinds of unrelated ways, including sickness
• If we bury it, yet again, it has not been dealt with
• Sooner or later all those things we have buried will find their expression in some negative way
• One way is that we explode uncontrollably, bringing fallout to all around us
• Alternatively we implode in anger at ourselves, and seek to hurt ourselves, in addictions, resentment, and possibly suicide
• None of this is good
• If we respond in mercy, it gives time to sort the situation out
• It is a step towards reconciliation and forgiveness
• It is not the world's way
• The world's way of responding is tit for tat, an eye for an eye
• God's way is that we show mercy, just as we have been shown mercy

SO HOW DO WE DEAL WITH IT?

• Matt 18:16-20
• First, go to your brother alone
• Don't talk to others about it, don't gossip about it, don't ask others to pray for your situation, don't ask your pastor how to deal with this
• Just go to your brother alone and seek to reconcile
• How do you reconcile? You go with a merciful, forgiving attitude. The same way Jesus said “Lord forgive them, they don't know what they are doing” - Luke 23:34
• Hopefully when we go with a humble and merciful attitude, we can resolve the situation
• But what if they don't want to reconcile?
• What if they don't want to say sorry
• Pray for them – Luke 6:27-31 – don't retaliate
• Do good to them – Romans 12:20-21
• Live peaceably with them – Rom 12:18
• Don't insist on your rights – 1 Pet 4:8 - love covers a multitude of sins
• Overcome evil with good – Rom 12:21
• If it is something that has to be dealt with, take someone else with you to speak to them, to get it on record.
• But do so with this same humble, merciful, forgiving attitude
• Hopefully, this will encourage them to bury the hatchet
• As a last resort, take it to the church
• But still do so in a loving, merciful manner
• The pastor may or may not agree with your view on the situation
• Allow the church to deal with it
• Trust that God will give wisdom in the situation
• Finally, if you are still not able to reconcile, keep out of each other's way
• Not every disagreement warrants a person being put out of the church
• They are a part of the body, we don't start chopping off arms and legs
• This is only done where a person is damaging the body, and are not walking with us
• It's like cutting out a cancer, something life-threatening
• Even then, we pray that they will repent and come back into fellowship
• We have the power to bind people by refusing to be merciful to them, or we have the power to loose them, by forgiving them

WALK IN AGREEMENT

• God's intention for us is that we walk in agreement
• That is why this scripture is in the context of dealing with issues in our relationships
• Matt 18:19-20
• That does not mean we will always see things exactly the same way, or do things in an identical manner
• God loves variety, and he loves that we all make our choices, and that we are different
• But God does seek that we walk in agreement
• On the big things we totally agree, like Jesus being our Savior, the Bible being God's Word, that we are saved by grace and not by our works
• But we can have differences of opinion on things that are not totally clear in the word
• And we may disagree with how someone is doing things in their life, but we also know to his own master he stands or falls
• we are all running our own race, we have been given different talents and gifts to develop
• God has a different purpose and road for each of us, though each road starts with accepting Jesus as our Lord and Savior

CONCLUSION

• Let's be a church that is unified
• Psalm 133 – How good and how pleasant it is when brothers and sisters live together in unity!
• If we have an issue with someone, let's seek to reconcile
• Let's forgive each other just as Jesus forgave us
• Let's live together in peace, and without judgment
• Let's be a place where visitors will recognize this is the home they have never experienced before

INVITATION